As September hits I am reminded of all that I have and what a fun and glorious year it has been. I love having 2 boys that are starting to get along like brothers should! They are really starting to play together and it is so much fun to watch!! I love watching them when they don't know that I am and how wonderfully they can get along with each othe and how much fun they have with each other!!
In a few days Dylan will be off to school for his second and last year of preschool. He is excited and I am as well. I love watching him grow and learn and be excited about learning more! His mind is a sponge and I love watching it grow! I can not wait to see what this new school year brings him!
I am also excited to spend some time with Brady and watch him grow into himself as he goes from 2 to 3! I can only hope to encourage and inspire his learning and wild imagination and crazy energy! When fall comes I like to reflect on the times and fun that we have had and learn from them to encourage them to continue.
Time is running and I do everything in my power to slow it down occasionally and live in it! But at the same time I am always looking forward to tomorrow and what is may bring to my family and my boys!! Come on fall I am ready!!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Being a Mommy
Alright I have been contemplating this post for a long time but feel it is time to get it out!
I have wanted to have children for a long time. When we first found out we were pregnant with Dylan I was ecstatic, could have been a little better timing, but in the end it was perfect!! I felt like my dreams were coming true. And then you hold your baby for the first time and your heart just melts. I was his and he was mine and I couldn't wait for us to be together! The exact same was true for Brady. The feelings didn't diminish at all because he was baby number 2. It only intensified! It is amazing and a miracle that a heart can love so large and so freely.
But in becoming a mother so begins the endless stream of doubts. Did I handle that the right way? Oh why did I yell about that? Was that the best I could have done? Do I love my boys enough? Do I show them my love enough? Are they happy? Are they safe? The list goes on and on. And it is a list you don't think about until you have a beautiful bundle wrapped in your arms and around your heart! The most important question you ask and one I ask myself everyday is Am I doing the right things?
I worry that I handle every situation that comes up wrong. And after I am done with the situation I wonder how could I have handled it better. I always feel that I do the wrong things and say the wrong things. But as a mother you don't get a grade or someone telling you that yes that was the right thing to do or oh hell you screwed that one up. It is fly by the seat of your pants and hope for the best. It is hard to think that yes I have handled some things wrong. When those times happen I look back at them and think Oh my what did I just do? Do my boys still know that I love them?
I don't have all the answers but I am trying to figure them out as I go. I watch other mothers and see how they handle things and then try to see if they work for me. Being a mother is something that I have always wanted to excel at. It makes my heart ache to think I could be doing it wrong. I only want the best for my children and hope that I can give them my best in return. As the boys get older I find myself being harder on them and I worry if my firmness is too much, They are still my little boys but I want them to be my good little boys too. It is hard to find a balance in parenting. Am I being to soft or was that too hard? The questions and doubt have a way of nagging on my mind and I worry.
Ultimately time will only tell if I am being a good mother or not. And I can only hope that in that time I can come to a realization that I am doing the best I can and my best IS good enough for them and for me.
I have wanted to have children for a long time. When we first found out we were pregnant with Dylan I was ecstatic, could have been a little better timing, but in the end it was perfect!! I felt like my dreams were coming true. And then you hold your baby for the first time and your heart just melts. I was his and he was mine and I couldn't wait for us to be together! The exact same was true for Brady. The feelings didn't diminish at all because he was baby number 2. It only intensified! It is amazing and a miracle that a heart can love so large and so freely.
But in becoming a mother so begins the endless stream of doubts. Did I handle that the right way? Oh why did I yell about that? Was that the best I could have done? Do I love my boys enough? Do I show them my love enough? Are they happy? Are they safe? The list goes on and on. And it is a list you don't think about until you have a beautiful bundle wrapped in your arms and around your heart! The most important question you ask and one I ask myself everyday is Am I doing the right things?
I worry that I handle every situation that comes up wrong. And after I am done with the situation I wonder how could I have handled it better. I always feel that I do the wrong things and say the wrong things. But as a mother you don't get a grade or someone telling you that yes that was the right thing to do or oh hell you screwed that one up. It is fly by the seat of your pants and hope for the best. It is hard to think that yes I have handled some things wrong. When those times happen I look back at them and think Oh my what did I just do? Do my boys still know that I love them?
I don't have all the answers but I am trying to figure them out as I go. I watch other mothers and see how they handle things and then try to see if they work for me. Being a mother is something that I have always wanted to excel at. It makes my heart ache to think I could be doing it wrong. I only want the best for my children and hope that I can give them my best in return. As the boys get older I find myself being harder on them and I worry if my firmness is too much, They are still my little boys but I want them to be my good little boys too. It is hard to find a balance in parenting. Am I being to soft or was that too hard? The questions and doubt have a way of nagging on my mind and I worry.
Ultimately time will only tell if I am being a good mother or not. And I can only hope that in that time I can come to a realization that I am doing the best I can and my best IS good enough for them and for me.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Phew!
Well a lot has happened since the last post. And let me first say that I thought this would be easy....just pop on here a couple times a week post some stuff and be done! But WOW it is hard to find the time to write and what exactly I want to say! But I am here and ready to push at it!
We went on vacation for 11 days. It is a lot to pack for and took me the good size of a week to do it!! We were driving, staying along the way to our destination, and going to the beach. All of those seperate things needed to be packed for. Not to mention that I have a boy that needs bottles and diapers still, so add another layer on. Once the packing was done the bags all had to get into the car, along with the toys and books to keep a 4 and 2 year old busy on the drive! But on Thursday July 28 we were on the road!
The trip was full of fun and oh so very tiring for a parent!!! I was told that when you have children in tow it is not a vacation but a trip!! And boy was that true. It was fun to see my boys light up at all the lego stuff in Legoland and smile big at Shamu at Sea World, but by the drive home I was exhausted! But in the end and after a week back at home I can honestly say that it was worth it all! I loved looking at the pictures and remebering the little things about the boys.
So let me say to those with small children remember "trips" are well worth it in the end, just grind your teeth and get through them, then look back fondly of the fun times that were shared while you were there!
We went on vacation for 11 days. It is a lot to pack for and took me the good size of a week to do it!! We were driving, staying along the way to our destination, and going to the beach. All of those seperate things needed to be packed for. Not to mention that I have a boy that needs bottles and diapers still, so add another layer on. Once the packing was done the bags all had to get into the car, along with the toys and books to keep a 4 and 2 year old busy on the drive! But on Thursday July 28 we were on the road!
The trip was full of fun and oh so very tiring for a parent!!! I was told that when you have children in tow it is not a vacation but a trip!! And boy was that true. It was fun to see my boys light up at all the lego stuff in Legoland and smile big at Shamu at Sea World, but by the drive home I was exhausted! But in the end and after a week back at home I can honestly say that it was worth it all! I loved looking at the pictures and remebering the little things about the boys.
So let me say to those with small children remember "trips" are well worth it in the end, just grind your teeth and get through them, then look back fondly of the fun times that were shared while you were there!
Friday, July 15, 2011
Reading and Getting Lost
My name is Kira Engler and I have an addiction -
I have been reading and reading and reading! I can't stop! I think all 3 of my boys are ready to take away my library card, but I won't let them!! I can't help myself, I simply love to read. It takes my mind off of all of the things that I need to do and out of my life. All that without taking me away. I simply get lost inside of books. I feel like it is an escape from reality, which I suppose is the meaning of reading anyway. But I have been steadily reading for about a month and a half. I can get a book read in about 2 or 3 days depending on the other daily activities.
Life for me consists of 2 little boys, 1 big boy, a dog, and a house with stuff that needs to be done. When I have my nose in a book, and because of my eyes it normally really is in the book, I let all of those things slip into the back of my mind. It is the only thing that I do that takes everything out of my mind. Whether there are sad, happy, discouraged or angry thoughts in my head, a book simply takes them all away. Reading is the ONLY thing that clears my head. I can get lost in the book so much that I usually speed through and forget big parts. Which is really a gift so then when I read the book again it is often like reading it for the first time! I am a Mystery reader so I always want to read it straight through so I can know who did it. Often skipping the mundane to get to the meat. I also have a TERRIBLE memory so when I reread the book I always forget who did it or how they were caught. Silly to read and forget but lovely to go back and reread with the same intensity as the first time around!!
After I finish a book it takes about 5 minutes to pick up a new one! Now I don't neglect my boys; I feed them when they are hungry, I bath them so they are not smelly, and I love them throughout. But they know when mom has her book stay away!! Now in trying to find time to read said books I often forget to eat myself and skip the shower to read instead. I am trying to fit everything in and find it is hard but worth it in the end to have a little time to and for myself. Now I have to stop typing so that I may go back and finish my book!
I have been reading and reading and reading! I can't stop! I think all 3 of my boys are ready to take away my library card, but I won't let them!! I can't help myself, I simply love to read. It takes my mind off of all of the things that I need to do and out of my life. All that without taking me away. I simply get lost inside of books. I feel like it is an escape from reality, which I suppose is the meaning of reading anyway. But I have been steadily reading for about a month and a half. I can get a book read in about 2 or 3 days depending on the other daily activities.
Life for me consists of 2 little boys, 1 big boy, a dog, and a house with stuff that needs to be done. When I have my nose in a book, and because of my eyes it normally really is in the book, I let all of those things slip into the back of my mind. It is the only thing that I do that takes everything out of my mind. Whether there are sad, happy, discouraged or angry thoughts in my head, a book simply takes them all away. Reading is the ONLY thing that clears my head. I can get lost in the book so much that I usually speed through and forget big parts. Which is really a gift so then when I read the book again it is often like reading it for the first time! I am a Mystery reader so I always want to read it straight through so I can know who did it. Often skipping the mundane to get to the meat. I also have a TERRIBLE memory so when I reread the book I always forget who did it or how they were caught. Silly to read and forget but lovely to go back and reread with the same intensity as the first time around!!
After I finish a book it takes about 5 minutes to pick up a new one! Now I don't neglect my boys; I feed them when they are hungry, I bath them so they are not smelly, and I love them throughout. But they know when mom has her book stay away!! Now in trying to find time to read said books I often forget to eat myself and skip the shower to read instead. I am trying to fit everything in and find it is hard but worth it in the end to have a little time to and for myself. Now I have to stop typing so that I may go back and finish my book!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Tiny Town, Birthday fun and a long trip down the stairs
WOW! That's about all I can say about the day today. It had really felt like 2 or 3 days wrapped into 1!! Started the day with an outing to Tiny Town. We have been there before but I think the boys had more fun today. Brady was a baby the first time so he doesn't count. But anywhere he gets to walk around and touch things is a good place in his book! And there was plenty of that today. Brady had fun folowing all the BIG boys around and his favorite part was the playground for sure!! Dylan had a better time this time then the first. He found the houses more exciting and liked linking what was inside of them to their names. And all the boys had fun playing inside the houses!! The train was fun as well and a little scary for a Mommy, but well worth it! Everyone liked seeing the houses from a train seat and hearing the whistle toot!!!
In case that wasn't enough fun for a day we had my nephew's birthday today. He turned 9 on the 9th! Already his special birthday and he didn't even know or get it! Oh well!! But we celebrated tonight with playing in his backyard, BBQ, legos, presents and cake!! A fun time had by all! Dylan just LOVES following Jack around and getting to play with whatever he has. I find that it is like looking in a time machine when I watch them play together....because soon enough it will be MY boy that is turning 9! WOW what a thought! I had a rough time with 4 so I'll hold off on thinking about my baby being 9! Brady likes getting into all the older kids stuff! My what a pill that little boy is! Good thing he is darn cute!!!
While at the aforementioned birthday party Brady decided to scare me half to death!! Okay I'll be honest he done scared me all the way to death! Brady, Kent, Dylan and Uncle Keith were playing upstairs at Uncle Keith's house. Keith and Dylan headed down to tell Gramie and Grandpa goodbye and get our stuff to get ready for us to leave. Brady began to head toward the stairs as Kent turned the lights off upstairs. I had stepped out front with Auntie Kim and Gramie to watch the WONDERFUL light show mother nature was putting on. In the background I hear Kent yell to Brady, "Brady wait for me...." Of course as soon as Kent finishes the statement we hear the unmistakable thump thump thump of a person rolling down the stairs. I ran inside just as Uncle Keith swooped Brady off the next to last step! But alas too late the damage was done and the crying insued! I was so worried for my little baby. I took him from Uncle's arms and snuggled him close while he cried! It is the toughest thing for a parent, I think especially a mommy, when your child's crying in your arms and you aren't too sure where the hurt is! So we rocked and soothed until we could get a good look at Brady. He has very little damage from his fall down 15-20 stairs!!! It is amazig to me how strong and fragile these kids are!! No longer than 10 minutes after the whole ordeal started Brady was off and running! Got a couple of good head/forehead bumps and might have a black eye tomorrow. But all in all nbo worse for the wear!!! PHEW!!!!!!!!!!! What a relief! I was steps away and couldn't stop him in time! Kent was steps away and couldn't stop him! Hard as a parent to hear you child go through something that could have been prevented only if.......Too bad I hadn't wrapped him in his protective bubble that day.....Too bad the stairs were hardwood and not bouncy carpet......Too bad I let him get out of my arms at the party....All of these thoughts and others cross into my mind....Even (unfortunately) why couldn't Kent have said screw the lights and carried Brady down the stairs.....(Still feel bad about that fleeting thought!) But after Brady had run around for awhile and Kent found him jumping off the bottom stair, I figured this will be the first mistake or hardship of many that Brady will have to face. I cannot wrap him in bubble wrap, I cannot bring carpet everywhere I go, I cannot keep him in my arms forever!! I have to let him learn and grow and can only hope that I give him the tools that he needs to learn from his mistakes and go forth in the world with open arms. I don't want to isolate him, but am pretty sure that every time something like this happens I will have those fleeting thoughts of keeping him safe in my arms for eternity!
It was a long and fun day and I love it when those days are like that! Keep it coming summer fun!
In case that wasn't enough fun for a day we had my nephew's birthday today. He turned 9 on the 9th! Already his special birthday and he didn't even know or get it! Oh well!! But we celebrated tonight with playing in his backyard, BBQ, legos, presents and cake!! A fun time had by all! Dylan just LOVES following Jack around and getting to play with whatever he has. I find that it is like looking in a time machine when I watch them play together....because soon enough it will be MY boy that is turning 9! WOW what a thought! I had a rough time with 4 so I'll hold off on thinking about my baby being 9! Brady likes getting into all the older kids stuff! My what a pill that little boy is! Good thing he is darn cute!!!
While at the aforementioned birthday party Brady decided to scare me half to death!! Okay I'll be honest he done scared me all the way to death! Brady, Kent, Dylan and Uncle Keith were playing upstairs at Uncle Keith's house. Keith and Dylan headed down to tell Gramie and Grandpa goodbye and get our stuff to get ready for us to leave. Brady began to head toward the stairs as Kent turned the lights off upstairs. I had stepped out front with Auntie Kim and Gramie to watch the WONDERFUL light show mother nature was putting on. In the background I hear Kent yell to Brady, "Brady wait for me...." Of course as soon as Kent finishes the statement we hear the unmistakable thump thump thump of a person rolling down the stairs. I ran inside just as Uncle Keith swooped Brady off the next to last step! But alas too late the damage was done and the crying insued! I was so worried for my little baby. I took him from Uncle's arms and snuggled him close while he cried! It is the toughest thing for a parent, I think especially a mommy, when your child's crying in your arms and you aren't too sure where the hurt is! So we rocked and soothed until we could get a good look at Brady. He has very little damage from his fall down 15-20 stairs!!! It is amazig to me how strong and fragile these kids are!! No longer than 10 minutes after the whole ordeal started Brady was off and running! Got a couple of good head/forehead bumps and might have a black eye tomorrow. But all in all nbo worse for the wear!!! PHEW!!!!!!!!!!! What a relief! I was steps away and couldn't stop him in time! Kent was steps away and couldn't stop him! Hard as a parent to hear you child go through something that could have been prevented only if.......Too bad I hadn't wrapped him in his protective bubble that day.....Too bad the stairs were hardwood and not bouncy carpet......Too bad I let him get out of my arms at the party....All of these thoughts and others cross into my mind....Even (unfortunately) why couldn't Kent have said screw the lights and carried Brady down the stairs.....(Still feel bad about that fleeting thought!) But after Brady had run around for awhile and Kent found him jumping off the bottom stair, I figured this will be the first mistake or hardship of many that Brady will have to face. I cannot wrap him in bubble wrap, I cannot bring carpet everywhere I go, I cannot keep him in my arms forever!! I have to let him learn and grow and can only hope that I give him the tools that he needs to learn from his mistakes and go forth in the world with open arms. I don't want to isolate him, but am pretty sure that every time something like this happens I will have those fleeting thoughts of keeping him safe in my arms for eternity!
It was a long and fun day and I love it when those days are like that! Keep it coming summer fun!
First Time Out
Ok here we go!
This is the first time I have done this so things might be rocky at the start but hopefully I will be able to learn quickly/ Any tips are welcomed!
I wanted to have somewhere that I could write up my days expierence and figured this was the best and quickest way. If you find I boar you well then stop reading. If you find yourself interested then woo hoo for you! Know that I will write a LOT about my boys, rmember fair warning. I want to be able to look back through my year and see what I did and how my boys grew through it. I am going to try to update daily, but that might be a little much even for me (IF you know me you know I like to talk so.....) so I will instead try to stick to at least once a week!
I am excited to share my daily life with the world!
This is the first time I have done this so things might be rocky at the start but hopefully I will be able to learn quickly/ Any tips are welcomed!
I wanted to have somewhere that I could write up my days expierence and figured this was the best and quickest way. If you find I boar you well then stop reading. If you find yourself interested then woo hoo for you! Know that I will write a LOT about my boys, rmember fair warning. I want to be able to look back through my year and see what I did and how my boys grew through it. I am going to try to update daily, but that might be a little much even for me (IF you know me you know I like to talk so.....) so I will instead try to stick to at least once a week!
I am excited to share my daily life with the world!
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